| SUGA SUGA HOW YOU GET SO FLYYYYYYY
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| for some reason as i sit here in biology class:
i miss middle school track. i miss running recklessly with confidence and no worries, just wanting to run, an impish desire to be the best for not so much pride but just kicks and giggles, just to see if i could. i wanted to win, but not to validate myself, but well, because i wanted to go faster. i wanted to see if i could improve. i miss that satisfaction of running, having no reputation, no need to worry about the opinions of others. i miss not worrying about failure, i miss not trying to compare with one another.
looking back, i wonder if i would've thought the same way if i were last, the slowest on the team. probably not. i probably would've been frustrated with myself. i would've compared myself to other people everyday. perhaps that's why right now, when i'm closer to the bottom to the top, it's much harder for me to go back to that mental mentality. i have little to lose, but if i love the little i have, i believe it'd hurt even more. it's somewhat tragic i think. i'm a bit more realistic, rational.
but sitting at the bottom, the old devilish desire to take on a ridiculously crazy task comes back.
i've come to believe much more that in the end, it doesn't matter if i actually accomplish my ridiculously crazy task. i kinda just wanna have fun and see where God takes me. where i go out of my own stupidity, end up in a jam (strawberry please), only to find God followed, bailed me out of for the better. if i end up falling and hurting terribly... ouch.
mwahahahaha kekeke. i am a masochist i think.
i really want to make an analogy about a sin curve right now.
i think i'll refrain.
nah. :d
... sin embedded in our beings, we are doomed to fluctuate, to rise and fall for seemingly an eternity.
of course, that's without God in the equation.
that said, i'm going to go throw up now in disgust at myself. i detest vector functions.
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| i wish it were new year's all the time
so everyone would verbalize all the time about who they are, were and are to be.
:)
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| gingerbreadmen gingerbreadmen gingerbreadmen
happy happy happy
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i especially like the one with a crack down his head and a smudge of flour
because i messed up on that one
but he's so outstanding, i can't bear to eat him.
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things rising
- lady gaga; how did i come to like her? oh because she's completely whack. she's absolutely fabulous.
- kitchenaid mixer; quote from boy: "i think that thing makes you happier than i do"
- the view from my bed
- my brother dragging me out of bed using my dragging-out-of-bed tactics
things falling
- showers at home; high water pressure versus no flipflops necessary? the high water pressure might be winning.
- unmotivation; all motivation evaporates the moment i return home. yuck.
- unread books: the alchemist, bible [devos], the ones on my desk
- unbaked breads
- unseen people
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